Friday 24 June 2016

‘You’re welcome’ says man who spent all day outside polling station with bag of pens


Old man claiming brexit victory

Brexit campaigner Simon Williams has told everyone they’re most welcome after he and his bag of pens helped win the referendum.

Williams, 67, took his position shortly after 8am yesterday morning, and steadfastly remained on post until 10pm, some fourteen hours later, eager at all times to hand a plastic biro to anyone who didn’t realise they might have to use a pencil.

“I’m just one of many soldiers, but I’m delighted that my efforts paid off,” Williams told reporters earlier.

“This must be what it’s like to score the winning goal in the World Cup final, and I’ve got to say, it feels amazing.

“I’d also like to thank Nigel, Boris and Michael – they’ve also done a pretty good job.

“Just think, if I hadn’t spent all day pestering strangers to take a pen outside my polling station, we could be stood talking here as Europeans – heaven forbid.”

Williams then cut short the interview explaining he had a number of missed calls from his broker, which he claimed was unusual as he’d not heard a peep from him since he’d cashed in his pension last year to invest with him.

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