Friday 24 June 2016 by Lucas Wilde

“Good, goooood” murmurs Emperor Palpatine


Emperor Palpatine

The leader of the Dark Side is in curiously good humour this morning.

Emperor Palpatine woke up, popped some toast on, and flicked his gaze to the breakfast news.

“Good… let the hate flow through you…” giggled the wizened old dictator.

Mrs Palpatine said, “he’s been in a really good mood all morning; he even took the bins out voluntarily without electrocuting the dog on the way out.”

“I keep telling him he’s going to be late for work at the Death Star, but he’s being all kissy and affectionate, and he even made breakfast, so I don’t want to miss out on this rare bout of affection from an otherwise completely horrifying man.

“I keep thinking it’s because of the EU referendum, but I can’t imagine any inherently awful people being pleased about that.”

Emperor Palpatine said, “Hey, I’m just a happy camper” while scraping the little EU flag from the registration plate of his Toyota Prius.

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