Wednesday 22 June 2016 by Charlie Stuart

Growing confusion amongst idiots who think they need to ‘take country back’


Man wants to take country back

A survey carried out this week has found increasing levels of confusion amongst people who regularly use the expression ‘take our country back’.

Despite receiving over 1,000 responses, the majority coming from Mail Online readers, UKIP voters and followers of far right ‘political’ groups, researchers found that few could actually identify who it was they wanted to take the country back ‘from’, and why they thought they had taken it in the first place.

Britain First follower Darren Fudd, 34, explained, “I thought we had to take it back from Muslims, because they want us to eat halal KFC, but now they’re saying we need to take it back from the EU.

“Are Muslims part of the EU? My mate Dave says that Mecca is in Germany, but then he also says that ducks don’t have legs.”

UKIP supporter Sandra Pratt, 64, was equally uncertain. “I can’t decide if it’s the bureaucrats in Brussels or all those scary-looking brown people in Nigel’s new poster.

“I mean, I’m not sure what a bureaucrat is, or how a bunch of foreign sorts in ragged jumpers could have taken over, but I definitely know we need to take it back from someone.”

Lead researcher, Prof. Graham Spigott, said that such confusion was to be expected.

He explained, “After months of divisive scaremongering by leading politicians and the media, preceded by eight years of financial chaos and increasing global instability, it is understandable that many people feel that their sense of national identity is being challenged.

“It just turns out that most of them are bigoted fucking idiots.”

In total, 35 different groups were identified as having ‘taken over’, including ‘illegals’, ‘lefties’, ‘feminazis’, ‘the Taliban’, ‘libtards’, ‘tree huggers’, and ‘the gays’.

Just under 5% also identified Mexicans, a phenomenon Prof. Spigott referred to as “the Trump Effect”.

However, further confusion was found when respondents were asked what they would do with the country if they took it back.

“Well, this is a Christian country, so if we take it back from the Muslims we’ll turn all their mosques into Wetherspoons, like we’ve done with most of our churches,” said Fudd,

“But if we take it back from the EU then we’ll diminish our global influence, drag ourselves into another recession, jeopardise thousands of jobs and fuck the Pound.

“Because that’ll show ‘em.”

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