Wednesday 22 June 2016 by Davywavy

God insists no second go if Day of Judgement proves unpopular


God no second chance on Judgement Day

God has told supporters that they won’t get a second try later if the results of the Day of Judgement prove unpopular.

Defending His decision to bring the judgement of humanity unto the Earth and all things upon it, He pointed to the Bible and explained it had been in the manifesto all along so people knew what they would be getting.

However, critics of the plan have claimed that no clear description of the afterlife has been given, leading to considerable uncertainty amongst followers over which outcome would really be best for them.

“Both God and Beelzebub are promising me a future of unlimited happiness, peace, prosperity and joy, but I think they’re dodging the real issues,” said unrepentant sinner Simon Williams.

“At the same time, they’re both telling me that if I support the other, my future will be like something out of the less jolly levels of Doom without a shotgun or any secret areas.

“It seems like neither side is debating on the facts! To make a decision I need to know how all the endless milk and honey they promise will be produced and whether the divine singing of angels will be better than Ode to Joy.”

Simon added that he feels being damned for all eternity for making an incorrect decision based upon incomplete information seems unnecessarily harsh to him.

Williams went on to say that he just wants his country back, but that might be difficult as it has been upturned and drowned in blood and fire.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been criticised for being noncommittal during the debate, saying that both sides had merit and sharing a platform with his friend Beelzebub to campaign for an immediate withdrawal of divine forces from the Plains of Dis.

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