Tuesday 21 June 2016 by Eddy Healy

Study finds people only go to Glastonbury to tell people they went to Glastonbury


Glastonbury

Research has confirmed those who attend Glastonbury Festival do so just to brag about it.

Revellers claim to go to the iconic festival for the music, counterculture attitudes and idyllic setting.

However, new research has shown that, in fact, their sole reason is knowing they’ll be able to tell anyone who’ll listen that they had a good time.

Professor Simon Williams, who conducted the study, explained: “It’s nonsense to think spending a weekend getting rained on, wading through mud and taking a dump in something that smells like Satan’s arse crack is fun for anyone.

“The only reason people go to Glastonbury and endure such misery is to fake that they’re having a good time.

“It means they get to saunter into the office on Monday, still hungover and looking like Worzel Gummidge, to fool colleagues into believing they’ve had a ‘life-changing experience’ and ‘the best time ever.’

“It’s utter rubbish. Everyone knows watching it on the telly in the comfort of your home is the best way to see the festival.

“I suppose if you wanted to add a bit of authenticity you could drop litter everywhere or let your dog crap on the carpet.

“But ultimately what we found was that watching it on TV in HD will never replace the satisfaction of knowing you’ll be able to boast to anyone in earshot about ‘the amazing Glasto vibes’.

“That’s despite living in what is essentially a voluntary refugee camp for a couple of days.”

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