Tuesday 21 June 2016 by Davywavy and Cavalorn

Cats would vote to leave EU and then refuse to go out

Cats to consider leaving then change mind

Britain’s cats would vote to leave the EU but refuse to go out once the door was opened, they have announced.

Despite yowling desperately to be let out, they would take one look at the climate on the other side of the door before silently returning to the settee and licking themselves.

Attempts to force them through the door would be met by either entirely fake affection and purring or psychotic rage, pretty much at random.

Cats went on to reserve the right to keep asking to leave the EU every so often so they could take a look outside and see if it smelled interesting.

Local cat Snuffleman Purrliams told us that it was important to keep your options open, and if the post-Brexit world looked cold and unpleasant they’d go and check all the other exits as well.

EU President Tusk was nonplussed by the cat’s position.

“We usually say it’s better to have people inside the tent pissing out, but with a great big mangy ginger Tom we’ll make an exception.

“They just piss everywhere and it honks to high heaven.”

In related news, French cats have confirmed they’ll keep right on spitting at you and coming into your garden for a crap when the UK leaves or not.

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