Monday 20 June 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Majority of lemmings in favour of jumping off cliff


Vote Leave lemmings jumping

A new poll has revealed that over 50% of the lemming population favour jumping off the cliff to an almost certain messy and agonising death.

“The poll results are fascinating,” said lemming pollster Simon Williams.

“Lemmings have a happy, comfortable, enjoyable life on top of the cliff and yet many of them believe that a suicidal jump onto the jagged rocks below would give them a better quality of life.”

A senior lemming figure from the ‘Vote Jump’ campaign group explained.

“Some lemmings say that a huge drop onto jagged rocks would be fatal, but the fact is that no lemming really knows what would happen if we all jumped onto a bunch of jagged rocks; we could bounce, the rocks could disappear, or we could strike up a robust trading deal with the rocks.

“All of these are all very real possibilities.

“To say that we would all be broken and killed by the rocks is just blatant scaremongering by a centralised elite group who seemingly have no confidence in the resilient nature of us lemmings.”

A ‘Vote Jump’ supporter agreed.

“Yeah, we’d be better off jumping for definite,” he said.

“I mean, yeah, being on top of the cliff and not dying and everything is great, but there are so many voles and guinea pigs coming in now that it just doesn’t feel like a lemming cliff anymore, you know?”

In other news, a recently conducted poll has revealed that Turkeys intend to vote for Christmas.

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