Monday 20 June 2016 by Philip Kendall

Anger and confusion as thousands of men 
simultaneously declared ‘World’s Best Dad’


Men fight over fathers day best dad title

An investigation is underway after thousands of men across Britain were somehow all bestowed with the title of “World’s Best Dad” amidst Father’s Day celebrations.

Insurance salesman and dad-of-three Simon Williams was overjoyed on Sunday morning when he was presented with an oversized mug declaring him to be the greatest father on the face of the planet—an accolade he readily accepted, having once reheated an entire lasagne and after dedicating himself to bimonthly hoovering.

But Williams’ patriarchal peerage came to an abrupt end not 24 hours later when, during a trip to the photocopier at his place of work, he caught sight of a coworker sipping from the exact same commemorative mug.

“A rage the like of which I have never known overcame me,” said Williams of the incident.

“Before I knew it, I was standing over his limp body with a wireless keyboard in my hand, screaming the word ‘imposter’ over and over.”

It was only when another coworker pointed out that Simon’s “World’s Best Dad” mug was standing safely on his own desk that it became apparent he was not the only man to have received the award this Father’s Day.

“By 10 a.m. we’d received dozens of calls from men demanding that we arrest one of their friends, relatives or colleagues for ‘fraud’,” said Inspector John Entwistle of the Metropolitan Police.

“All of whom claimed to have unassailable proof that they, and they alone, were the true Lord of the Dads.

“It’s curious that none of these men questioned the lack of a media presence or the modesty of their respective award ceremonies—the majority of which took place in kitchens, bedrooms, or while they were still wearing pyjamas.”

Authorities have warned that if Britain’s fathers all insist on claiming the title of World’s Best Dad for themselves, there would be no other option but to hold a “Dad Olympics” of sorts to determine the true winner – an idea which many on social media welcomed while boasting of their own fathers’ numerous achievements, which ranged from being able to put up a garden shed in a single afternoon to being able to fart the first few bars of the Match of the Day theme tune.

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