Wednesday 15 June 2016

Cameron pledges EU referendum if he wins EU referendum


David Cameron to offer EU referendum

The EU referendum took a dramatic turn last night as the Prime Minister pledged to offer a referendum on EU membership if he wins next week’s referendum on EU membership.

The pledge comes after a week of the polls showing a consistent lead for Brexit, and the Remain camp is hoping the offer of a referendum will have a similar effect to the referendum pledge made in last year’s general election, which many saw as the decisive moment of the campaign.

“Yes, this is a terrifically spiffy wheeze I learnt last year,” said the Prime Minister.

“When you’re so rubbish at winning elections that it looks like you won’t even be able to win against a wonky nerd with a bunged up voice, just promise an EU referendum and everyone votes for you.

“That’s why I’ve never really bothered putting together any sort of coherent, convincing ideological argument for staying in the EU, because I knew that if it all went sideways, I could just promise an EU referendum, and I’d win, just like last year.

“It’s much easier to do that and then just every couple of days spout off a load of unconvincing nonsense about us having to eat cats and dogs if we leave, or that Wales will fall off or something.”

The EU referendum pledge comes after a warning from Remain that if Britain were to the leave the EU, it would regress to a medieval societal state and everyone would catch the plague, which would have a huge impact on productivity.

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