Saturday 11 June 2016 by Davywavy

Neanderthals deny links to English football hooligans


cave man neanderthal

Brutish, semi-evolved ape-men have responded angrily after being compared to English football hooligans this morning.

Following a second night where tear gas was deployed by police in Marseille to control England fans, comparisons have been drawn which members of the Cro-Magnon community have found offensive.

Speaking to reporters, Neanderthal spokesman Sim-Ug Williams was clear in his rejection of the fans actions.

“Calling Sim-Ug England fan make Sim-Ug sad,” he told reporters from his cave in the Neander valley.

“Yes, Sim-Ug have club but club for fighting sabre-tooth tiger not riot police.

“Me peaceful. Me put flowers in hair of deceased loved ones and build stone circle to make nature happy.

“Caveman not burn Marseille because unhappy with draw in sport ball game. That uncivilised and beneath Sim-Ug’s dignity.”

Sim-Ug went on to criticise the lineup being proposed for the England squad, insisting that a few-few-many formation wasted the experience of Henderson and Dier.

“Rooney fit right in cave with club,” he added.

“Although me recommend not dragging Rooney by hair like woman. It come right off.”

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