Tuesday 7 June 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Man in convertible BMW ‘almost certainly’ a prick


BMW convertible on motorway

There is a large degree of certainty that a man driving a convertible BMW, with the top down, on a major motorway, is actually a colossal prick.

“If not a prick, then definitely a bellend,” said Eleanor Gay, Professor of Pricks, Prickery and Prickishness at Oxford University.

“It’s statistics, there literally has never been a man drive a BMW with the top down on a major motorway who isn’t a huge prick and so there is a degree of mathematical certainty that this particular individual is a prick.”

The man in question, Simon Williams claimed to be simply enjoying the weather.

“It’s a cracking day, so what better time to take the Beemer out for a spin. I’ve got the top down. I’ve got the latest Coldplay album on Spotify. Beautiful.”

However, it did seem that Mr Williams had further reason to be out this morning.

“She’s a beauty isn’t she? The Beemer, I mean. And the fanny bloody loves it. Might head down to the seafront, see if I can’t bag myself a hotty and whip her up to Café Rouge for a steak meal and see where it goes.”

And then he sped off, Hymn for the weekend blaring as he threw a Starbucks coffee cup onto the verge leaving everyone watching in no doubt that he was, indeed, a prick.

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