Tuesday 7 June 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Brock Turner offered ‘Twenty Minutes of Action’ with Brock Lesnar


Brock Lesnar

An American rapist will have his sentence quashed as long as he endures twenty minutes of a massive wrestler beating the shit out of him.

Brock Turner was found guilty of raping an unconscious woman and sentenced to six months in prison by a judge who presumably had a fifth of vodka for lunch.

“It’s a perfectly fair deal,” said District Attorney, Chuck Williams, “we’re giving him the chance to consent and everything.

“Mr Lesnar took some persuading, to be fair, but wanted to do his bit for American justice. He’s a true patriot.

“I should point out that the ‘action’ in this case is more of the punchy kind than the sexual-assaulty kind; Mr Lesnar was very quick to point out that would not be happening.”

A spokesperson for Brock Turner said, “Mr Turner is happy to accept the offer; he’s seen Mr Lesnar is action and reckons he could have him.

“My client really is a phenomenally stupid human being.”

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