Monday 6 June 2016 by Shaun Stevenson

Green eggs and ham actually ‘pretty disgusting’ admits Dr Seuss


Green eggs and ham

Doctor Seuss has finally confessed that green eggs and ham tastes worse than ‘a plate of lukewarm cat sick’, it has been revealed today.

The famed nutritionist made millions advocating the consumption of food that’s obviously several months past its use by date, promising followers that they could enjoy a tasty, healthy meal yet still lose weight. Albeit through a self-triggering bulimia mechanism.

However, Seuss finally ‘fessed up after being presented with a plate of his famous recipe by our elite team of undercover reporters.

“Yeah,” said the now ancient Doctor, prodding the food with a fork from a safe distance, “ain’t no way I’d eat this shit myself. It does bollocks for your health.

“Eating it would be much too scary. It’s not just green. It is furry.”

Professional health scaremongers from the Daily Express are understood to be outraged that they have never thought to criticise the food in the past, despite having something to say about virtually every other thing anyone has ever considered putting in their gob.

“How the fuck did we miss this one?” said Express writer Ivy Nightshade.

However, this is not the first time that the ‘green eggs and ham’ diet has met with controversy.

Keen Dr Seuss advocate Sam-I-Am Williams recently had to pay out hundreds of thousands of dollars after it was revealed that he had ‘misrepresented’ the testimonial given by one customer he had virtually driven to suicide, with his insistence that he try green eggs and ham.

According to documents released during the trial, rather than thanking Sam-I-Am, the unnamed customer had instead provided the following feedback:

“I do not like them, they are rotten
I do not like a squirty bottom.
That Sam-I-Am is such a prick
Green eggs and ham makes me feel sick.”

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