Monday 6 June 2016 by Gary Stanton

David Cameron delighted at plans to put human organs inside pigs


David Cameron likes pigs

Putting human organs inside pigs is the best idea anyone has ever had in the whole world, according to pig-friendly David Cameron.

The PM’s remarks follow research by oddball US scientists who want to grow human organs inside pigs for “transplant reasons”.

Cameron backs the plan after he successfully managed to grow his own cock inside the mouth of a dead porker.

Boffins say the new technique could allow a range of organs to be grown including, lungs, pancreases, hearts, brains and wangers.

However, opponents have warned of the dangers of creating human-pig chimeras on farms a bit like Adam’s on Countryfile.

Anti-research activist, Simon Williams, said, “Potentially, one could create something with the table manners of Boris Johnson, the intelligence of Stephen Hawking and the odour of Jeremy Corbyn.”

Researchers claim that a pig used to grow new lungs for chain-smoking xenophobe, Nigel Farage, could then be harvested for bacon sarnies.

Cameron added, “It’s a win-win. With porcine donors not only does Iain Duncan Smith get the heart he always wanted, but I get to come in its mouth.”

Things David Cameron has f*cked

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