Friday 3 June 2016 by Gary Stanton

Faster expansion of the universe blamed on migrants


Universe is expanding

The universe is about to burst due to the number of migrants flooding in, according to right-wing astronomers.

Observations carried by pro-Brexit stargazers found that workshy migrants are placing an increasing strain on intergalactic space, nebulae and the NHS.

Scientists who shone a light into the deepest corners of the universe say they found over fifty Eastern European rapists huddled behind a quasar.

Experts insists that the expansion is being driven by mysterious ‘dark matter’, which is mostly coming from Turkey.

Astronomer, Simon Williams, now believes that the Theory of Relativity was a load of Jewish nonsense, or at least bits of it.

“Einstein was deluded libtard who failed to factor immigration into his equations,” he told us.

“For Einstein’s theory to be correct, we have to assume that the ‘M’ in MC squared stands for migrants instead of mass.

“C, of course, is the speed of light, which is a universal constant, much like Vernon Kaye.”

Williams insists a vote to leave the EU could slow down the expansion by up to three per cent.

He added, “By putting a stop to unchecked immigration we could reduce journey times between England and Alpha Centuri by as much as one hour.

“Dark matter is everywhere, you can’t see it, but it wants to steal your job.”

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