Thursday 2 June 2016

New Amazon algorithm to show you advert for thing you’ve just bought even quicker


Amazon adverts

Amazon has announced that it will be using a sophisticated new advertising algorithm that will show you an advert for the thing you’ve just bought even quicker than ever before.

“We’re really happy with this,” said Bert Amazon of Amazon.

“Until recently, you’d visit a website and there would be a slight pause while the advert loaded up the thing you’d last bought on our website, and we understood how frustrating that could be.

“So now, you go to Amazon, you buy yourself a Milli Vanilli box set, a gallon of wolf’s milk, or just a slim volume of dinosaur pornography for the commute, then go to another site and bang! There’s an advert for a Milli Vanilli box set, a gallon of wolf’s milk, or a slim volume of dinosaur pornography.”

Amazon users were impressed.

“Yeah, really quick,” said Simon Williams, who had just bought a box of ladybirds.

“I went to another site and the advert for a box of ladybirds was the first thing that loaded.”

However, some people have suggested that perhaps Amazon should actually show items the user hasn’t just bought.

“Hey, if it works, it works,” said Mr Amazon.

“We’ve been showing users stuff they just bought for years and we all drive pretty nice cars, so maybe it’s the other guys showing you stuff you haven’t just bought who are doing it wrong.”

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