Tuesday 31 May 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Zoo staff take no chances as child’s mother is shot


Zoo shooting mother of child

The neglectful mother of a small child has been shot at an American zoo.

Tina Regal, 38, wasn’t paying attention to her child which subsequently wound up in the gorilla enclosure.

“So we shot her in the leg almost immediately,” confirmed zookeeper, Simon Williams.

“Not in the head, obviously, we’re not monsters.

“But we needed to make sure the child wasn’t brought to any kind of unnecessary harm, and a quick bullet to the thigh does seem to set most parents straight.”

Regal said, “I wasn’t expecting to get shot in the leg, but then life is full of surprises.”

“I had left little Billy alone only for an hour or so whilst I went to go and do something more interesting. I didn’t realise that was wrong and I assumed the zookeepers would do their job and babysit him.

“I notice the gorillas didn’t get shot, but I suppose the zookeepers were just afraid of hitting my son.”

Williams replied, “actually we were afraid of hitting the gorillas.”

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