Tuesday 31 May 2016

Top Gear viewers beg Chris Evans to thump someone


Top Gear, Chris Evans

Everyone is trying to goad Chris Evans into some form of physical assault.

After the all-new Top Gear was seen to alternate between “boring” and “incessantly shouty”, viewers are basically offering their chins to Evans while calling his mum a whore.

“Go on, just land one on my nose,” offered viewer, Simon Williams.

“Just a good, hard wallop and then you can piss off to Amazon Prime – if they’ll take you, which I’d doubt.”

Telly critics were similarly generous.

“He can use a weapon if he likes, as long as someone from the BBC board of directors is watching,” suggested critic, Jay Cooper.

“If Clarkson taught me nothing else – and he didn’t – it’s that nothing gets you booted out of the BBC quite like a physical assault, which is political correctness gone mad if you ask me, which nobody ever does.”

A spokesperson for Evans said, “Chris would love to thump each and every one of you right in the teeth.

“But he won’t, because that would make you happy, which isn’t in his current remit.”

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