Thursday 26 May 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Legal Highs not produced by the Government’s friends now banned


Legal highs banned except that one

A blanket ban on all legal highs that aren’t from industries with close ties to the Government has come into force in the UK.

Laws criminalising the sale of legal highs such as Black Mamba and Spice came into effect at midnight; however legal highs such as Balvenie malt whisky and Chateauneuf du Pape will not be affected.

Legal highs have thought to have caused nearly 100 deaths in the UK in the last year, and treatment of these people may have prevented treatment of any of the 6,500 individuals who died of alcohol-related issues in the same period.

“It has been a long hard road to this point of criminalising these dreadful legal highs,” said Prime Minister David Cameron

“Frankly, we feel like we deserve a bit of a celebration to mark the moment so are going to spend the rest of the day getting stuck into some splendid brandy donated by one of George’s chums, and perhaps have a nice cigar.”

The Government has issued advice for ex-users of legal highs.

“Legal high users are advised to move onto strong, cheap cider,” said a government advisor.

”Although likely to dissolve your liver and kidneys in a matter of years, users of strong, cheap cider can take solace in the fact that they are contributing to the running of the Government in a very meaningful way before their imminent and inevitable deaths.”

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