Thursday 26 May 2016

Latest immigration figures give Nigel Farage ‘best erection in years’


Nigel Farage smiling at immigration figures

Nigel Farage was left ‘immediately tumescent’ after the release of the net immigration figures for last year.

With net migration up 20,000 to 333,000, Farage was left sporting what he’s referring to as a ‘mega-boner’ which was loudly applauded by campaigners at Vote Leave HQ.

As the news was released, Farage went around telling campaign members that “This. Is. It. We. Will. Win” with every syllable met with a tiny pelvic thrust and a massive grin.

As one witness told us, “He’s so happy, he almost spilled his pint.

“He just told one intern that if they can find a couple of rapists in that 333,000, he’ll come in his pants.”

Medics are keen to assess Farage as long-term erections are said to be dangerous for men who also like to drink and smoke as much as he does.

Those inside the campaign have welcomed the announcement, claiming it adds weight to their argument to leave the EU.

Vote Leave campaigner Simon Williams told us, “These latest figures just prove that immigration is bad. I don’t think it’s any surprise that 333,000 is precisely 500 times 666 – the sign of the Devil – so bascially we’ve let 500 Satans into the country in the last year.”

“Is that what you want? Of course it isn’t. Vote Leave.”

Funny EU referendum t-shirts HERE

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