Wednesday 25 May 2016

We’ll drink anywhere really, insists Scotland


Scottish home drinkers

After researchers claimed that Scotland is becoming a nation of home drinkers, Scots have insisted they have drunk wherever the hell they like since before there were homes.

After a new report on alcohol spending habits found that Scotland was ‘becoming a nation of home drinkers’, the claim was criticised by many Scots.

Simon Williams told us, “Just because alcohol was bought in a supermarket or an off-licence doesn’t mean for one moment it was consumed ‘at home’.

“That’s just your poncy southern ways getting in the way of your critical thinking.

“We Scots have ingenuity you see – so just because we don’t pay through the nose to drink in the bars and pubs doesn’t mean we’re drinking ‘at home’.

“There are parks, the streets, chippy doorways, gardens – plenty of wide open spaces up here just crying out for a wee sesh.”

Lead researcher and public health official Marcus Rowbottom told us, “I’ve reviewed the findings in line with the recent claims made by Scottish drinkers.

“And after several lengthy interviews, I agree it would be better to describe Scotland as a nation of ‘drinkers wherever they happen to be at that precise moment’.”

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