Wednesday 25 May 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Fire Brigade tells diversity critics ‘We’re usually black once we’ve dealt with a fire’


Fireman diversity

Britain’s firefighters have offered an ill-thought out response to their alleged lack of diversity.

After the Home Secretary’s suggestion that the UK’s fire departments still retain a culture of hazing and about as much ethnic diversity as a Bernard Manning tribute evening, the publicity department reassured the public that firefighters actually spend an awful lot of time being black.

“We tackled an office fire last week,” said Fire Chief, Simon Williams, “and by the time we came out, we were blacker than the cast of Fresh Prince of Bel Air. And if that’s not diversity, then I don’t know what is.

“We’re as varied and culturally diverse as they come; Jon, for example, is a Sunderland supporter, and none of us ever give him any hassle for it.

“So if that bint from the Home Office has a problem with our supposed ‘lack of diversity’, maybe she should strap on a pair of heels, march her frumpy arse down here and tell it to our faces.”

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