Tuesday 24 May 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Republican Party to press Chewbacca Woman to run for Presidential nomination


Chewbacca mask

The Republican Party is to make a last-ditch attempt to avoid a Trump Presidential run by asking Chewbacca Woman Candace Payne to run against him in the final months before the Republican National Convention in July.

“Right now, we just want to avoid being a laughing stock,” said an insider for the party.

“And we’ve found ourselves in a position where fielding a woman laughing in a Chewbacca mask could be the only way to avoid that.”

Candace Payne found herself an Internet sensation after a short video of her joy at a new toy Chewbacca mask went viral, and became the only thing on the Internet that wasn’t pornographic, cynical or profoundly racist.

“Ms Payne is clearly fun, caring, joyful, nice, sweet natured. She is literally the polar opposite of Donald Trump.

“Perhaps she could appeal to the fun, caring, joyful, nice, sweet natured members of the GOP. I mean, there must be some, right?”

Republican supporters appeared open to Ms Payne.

“Shit, I don’t care,” said racoon shaver Chuck Williams.

“Long as I can still fire off my weapons when I like and hate them old Mexicans, what do I mind if it’s some guy with crazy hair, or some lady in a Chewbacca mask.”

It is understood that if the Republicans can’t convince Ms Payne to run, they will put Jeb Bush in a dress and the mask and hope no one notices.

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