Tuesday 24 May 2016 by Garth ApThomas

Newly discovered passage from the Bible advocates leaving the EU


old bible scrolls reveal eu referendum guidance

Egyptologists have discovered a scroll believed to be a long-lost section of the Bible which encourages British voters to leave Europe.

The claim was made during a press conference held in Oxfordshire this morning, convened by Boris Johnson and his supporters.

Mr Johnson told reporters The Book Of Brexit had been found in a pyramid during a special dig 120 kilometres south of Cairo.

The archaeological project is being supervised by a man widely hailed as a real-life British version of Indiana Jones – Sidcup Smith.

Mr Smith attended the press conference, looking very much like Nigel Farage in khaki shorts and a pith helmet.

When asked if he had the scrolls Mr Smith replied : “Yes, that sand gets everywhere I’m afraid. But don’t worry, the doctor’s given me some ointment for it.”

Mr Johnson explained to Mr Smith the journalists were asking if he had the ancient document with him, the parchment was then quickly produced for everyone to study.

Mr Johnson pointed out there was a passage which, when translated, stated: “A visionary golden-headed icon will lead his people from the slavery and repression of the Frenchies to the promised land of milk and chutney.”

When reporters asked why the ink on the centuries-old parchment was still wet, Mr Johnson bellowed:

“Nigel you utter arse, I told you to use biro.”

Mr Smith replied: “Don’t be stupid Boris, biro hadn’t been invented in those days.”

A fist fight between the two men then broke out. Journalists made their excuses and left.

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