Monday 23 May 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Transylvania joining EU could see one million vampires in UK by 2020


Vampires to flood Britain if we don't leave EU

The Vote Leave campaign has issued a stark warning that if Transylvania joins the EU, then the UK could find itself ‘overrun’ with vampires.

“It’s just simple numbers,” said Michael Gove.

“Transylvania has millions of vampires, and if we remain in the EU then we are putting out the welcome mat and Britain – which has been largely vampire-free since the 1800s – could be overrun with them.

“And that’s just vampires; we haven’t even started doing the maths on Frankensteins, werewolves, and Mummies.

“Simply put, the only way to guarantee that you and your family won’t have your blood drained by a hellish creature of the night is to vote for Brexit.

“And steer clear of Theresa May, obviously.”

The argument found favour with some members of the public.

“Yeah, I support leaving the EU,” said leaf measurer Simon Williams.

“The problem with the ‘In’ campaign is that it’s just a load of mad, hysterical stuff about the economy collapsing, and Europe going to war but they’re not saying anything about what matters to real people, like vampires and that.”

The Remain campaign have yet to respond but will almost certainly issue the statement – ‘we’re not in the Schengen Zone, so we’ve got the best of both worlds’, as they have done in response to any and all concerns about immigration since the campaign began.

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