Monday 23 May 2016

The Special One promises to help Manchester United fans rediscover their arrogance


Jose Mourinho Manchester United boss

Jose Mourinho will help Manchester United fans rediscover the arrogance that has been missing from their lives over the last few years, according to club sources.

After Manchester United had announced that Louis Van Gaal would be leaving his position as manager, the club moved swiftly to replace him with a man capable of giving the fans the sense of smug arrogance they believe they deserve.

Football writer Simon Williams told us, “Smug Manchester United fans are something that football has had for as long as I’ve been watching the game, and it has felt a bit strange without them these last few years.

“Having them go back to prattling on like they deserve to win every trophy going will be like putting on a favourite old sweater – one that you secretly despise and want to catch fire.”

Manchester United fan Iain Fowler told us, “Without my football-related arrogance and chronic smugness, I am nothing.

“Yeah, we won the FA Cup, but we didn’t win it by much, not by four or five goals; so we couldn’t do much gloating afterwards. And if you can’t gloat then it doesn’t really count, does it.

“I want to get back to the days when I could be arrogant about all of our results, not just ones where we scrape our way to winning trophies by the odd goal in extra-time.

“And if anyone can put that look of smug satisfaction back on my face, it’s Jose Mourinho.”

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