Sunday 22 May 2016 by Davywavy

Gay lumberjack sick and tired of being mistaken for a hipster


Lumberjack Hipster

Homosexual woodsman Simon Williams is heartily sick of people thinking he’s a hipster, he has revealed today.

Burly Williams, who wears a lumberjack shirt and has cultivated a luxurious beard, was dismayed to learn this can be interpreted as displaying interest in knowing postmodern irony.

Williams also has several prominent tattoos that signal specific tastes to the leatherboy scene, which he was horrified to discover also indicate to hipsters he’s into Courtney Barnett.

“I was in a well-known cottage the other day when a man came up and asked me if I ‘liked it’,” he told us.

“I was about to say I did before he revealed he meant the new Mumford and Sons album.

“How dare he! In public too. The sick pervert.

“And when he asked if I like rough shag it turned out he meant a type of pipe tobacco. I tell you, these people are dangerous and need locking up.”

Simon told us he is to begin a campaign for public toilets to be clearly marked as being for normal people like himself, or for ‘those sorts’ who want to talk about artisan focaccia and the latest episode of Portlandia.

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