Friday 20 May 2016

Voters to side with referendum campaign that presents the fewest arseholes


EU referendum

Voters across the country have insisted their EU referendum vote will go to the side using the fewest arseholes, just as soon as someone tallies them up.

A both sides of the referendum campaign continue to rollout a plethora of unlikeable shits to support their position, ordinary voters are finding it harder and harder to decide how to vote.

Voter Simon Williams, 35, told us, “I was pretty sure how I was going to vote a few weeks ago, but then they went and got that scumbag from the TV to talk about how it was the right thing to do, so now I’m not so sure?

“I mean, if he thinks it’s the right thing to do, then surely it can’t be – he’s so wrong about all the other things. I feel like I’m being tricked into voting for the evil Empire.”

Meanwhile fellow voter Stacey Matthews, 37, told us, “I’ve known since before the general election how I’d vote in the referendum, right up until that prick who ruined Alfie came out and agreed with me.  Now what do I do?”

Political commentator Charles Macintosh told us, “With an endless barrage of arseholes being paraded in front of the public, the choice of which way to vote is becoming harder and harder.

“On the one hand you’ve got Iain Duncan Smith, Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins, but one the other you’ve got David Cameron, George Osborne and Tony Blair.

“It’s a bit like Sophie’s choice, but where you want both of them to die.”

I’m voting for the side with the fewest Arseholes

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