Thursday 19 May 2016 by Neil Tollfree

EU referendum: Judges’ votes to be announced before public vote


EU Referendum

Following the success of the new Eurovision voting system, it has been announced that June’s EU referendum will adopt a similar system.

“It was tremendously exciting,” said a Government spokesperson.

“Or at least, I think it was, I was really quite drunk.

“We do know that millions engage with the Eurovision Song Contest in a way they haven’t yet done with the EU referendum, so this could be our silver bullet.”

It is understood that groups of judges will be established in a various regions in the UK and on the night of the vote, Jeremy Vine will put his best suit on and cut live to a representative of each region where there will be a brief moment of heavily accented and awkward banter before delivering the judge’s votes.

“Then, at the end, even if it looks like it’s a decisive vote one way, the public could swing it the other way,” continued the spokesperson.

“It’ll be sensational.”

Pundits are already predicting a large discrepancy between judges and public.

“We expect the judges’ vote to favour remain,” said EU expert Simon Williams.

“As these judges will be made up of carefully selected experts who will weigh up the economic, social, and political ramifications of leaving, and will do so coolly and dispassionately.

“Whereas the public vote will be to leave, as they’re a load of xenophobic idiots.”

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