Saturday 14 May 2016 by Davywavy

Russia tipped for Eurovision victory after Putin threatens to turn the gas off


Russia, Eurovision, Putin

Bookies are tipping Russia to win Eurovision after Vladimir Putin threatened to turn the gas off if they don’t.

A spokesman for the Russian government said the entire nation was behind Sergei Lazarov ‘all the way’, and suggested everyone else should be too if they fancy having the heating on tomorrow.

With half of Europe reliant upon imports of gas from the east, people’s desire for a warm dinner anytime soon may well have decided the outcome of the contest.

The pop star had been hotly tipped in tonight’s contest after Russia moved four tank divisions to the Polish border earlier in the week, and fans think this latest development could tip things in his favour.

Lazarov’s catchy electropop song, “You’ll be living on cold beans”, has been interpreted as a threat, something Russia described as ‘absolutely ridiculous’.

Tragedy has already struck this year’s contest, after second favourite Australian Dani Im – believed to be the only contestant capable of challenging Lazarov – mysteriously vanished after Putin noticed Australia isn’t on the gas pipeline.

In a surprising development, Ireland will not be appearing in the contest after their song ‘My lovely horse’ failed to qualify.

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