Friday 13 May 2016 by Dave Evans

Slagging off Stone Roses’ new single to become an Olympic event


New Stone Roses single

The chance of Team GB winning further gold medals at the Rio Olympics was improved yesterday as the organisers agreed to include slagging off The Stone Roses new single as an event.

Rio 2016 co-ordinator Simoninho Williamsinho said, “The level of competitiveness shown on social media when composing broadsides about, what in truth, is an average, rather than ‘bad’, song suggests to me that this will be a hotly contested event.

“Also, it will give unfit men in their forties a chance of winning an Olympic medal. Which they wouldn’t do if we restricted it to actual sports, and they don’t play golf.”

The Brit contingent are expected to face stiff competition from Australia where they don’t know much about The Stone Roses but are very keen on moaning about anything British.

Jake Lee, a music fan whose tastes are much more advanced than yours, said, “I used to like them but I pretend that I don’t because I don’t want my friends who like jazz to laugh at me.”

His wife Eleanor Lee said, “Sometimes when he comes home drunk he puts The Stone Roses album on and sings along to all the songs with a little tear in the corner of his eye.

“But when he wakes up the next morning he sneaks downstairs and hides it behind a copy of Bitches Brew.

“He’s really quite a sad little man”.

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