Friday 13 May 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Cyclist can do what the f*ck he likes


Cyclist in London

A West London cyclist has confirmed that he can do whatever the fuck he likes as he sped through a crowded pedestrian crossing whilst making an obscene hand gesture.

“Well, it was certainly a learning experience for me,” said Mum of two Eleanor Gay, who only just managed to pull her three-year-old out of the path of the cyclist.

“I was always under the impression that cyclists had to obey basic road laws but, as was explained to me in no uncertain terms, they can do what the f*ck they like.”

The cyclist in question, Simon Williams, was later tracked down overtaking a long line of queuing traffic by cycling into oncoming traffic and telling motorists having to swerve out of his way to ‘f*ck off, you crappy proles’.

“Look yeah? I’m a cyclist, yeah? We have a f*cking difficult time out on the roads what with f*cking car drivers not letting us do what the f*ck we want.

“Also yeah? I have a very f*cking important job in the City and if I don’t get to my desk then the company could literally lose f*cking millions.

“Now f*ck off.”

And with that, Mr Williams mounted the path, kicked the walking stick from an old lady and sped through the pedestrians with a cry of ‘f*cking tossers!”

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