BBC actually biased against everyone, confirms BBC

author avatar by 8 years ago

The BBC has responded to the latest claims of bias by confirming that it actually can’t stand anyone.

The Corporation has been under fire in recent days from all sides of the political spectrum, amidst claims that the failure to run programmes with titles like “Nigel Farage – a god amongst men” and “Why Jeremy Corbyn is right about everything” proves they are editorially biased.

Speaking to assembled representatives of the nation’s political opinions, Director General Tony Hall said, “Fuck you.

“If we’re interviewing someone right wing, our non-partisan editorial policy is ‘Fuck you, you self-serving pigfucker’.

“Whereas if we’re interviewing someone left wing, we try to maintain a strictly neutral position of ‘Fuck you, you economically illiterate sack of shit’.

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“And with centrists, we tend to stick with ‘Pick a side before you impale yourself on the fence you cowardly twat’.

“If you had to spend as much time in the studio with these people as we do, you’d hate them all equally as well.”

Warming to his theme, Lord Hall confirmed that Respect, Plaid Cymru, the SNP, Ulster Unionists, Sinn Feinn, the Greens and anyone else he’d forgotten to mention could also take a running jump.

However, the statement has not been sufficient to silence more determined critics, with some already claiming that the Director General sounded ‘more sneery’ when he was referring to their side, and others already flat-out denying that he mentioned their opponents at all, irrespective of all the evidence.

A popular satirical website which asked not to be identified issued a statement in support of the BBC.

“We know what it’s like,” said editor Simon Williams.

“You should see our comments threads when we take the piss out of a politician. Jesus.”

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