Thursday 12 May 2016 by Raggedyman

‘Are you both trying to lose?’ public asks EU referendum campaigns


EU referendum

The British Public is no longer sure if either side of the EU Referendum campaign actually wants to win their vote.

The question of “Are you taking the piss?” has come following a series of baffling statements from both camps, almost guaranteed to make people vote against that side’s position.

“I was a bit unsure how I would vote as they were all spinning facts to supported their side, if you believed any of it” reported a member of the public, Mrs Elaine Grint.

“But when David Cameron said leaving would start World War Three my first thought was ‘I’m not voting for you, as that’s clearly bollocks’.

“Then the next day they had Ian Duncan ‘Massacre Of The Innocents’ Smith being all worried about the sick and the poor if we stay in the EU, and that’s more piss-taking than I could ever support.

“So I was back on the fence, as the garbage from each side was balancing itself out.

“But then someone obviously thought it was a good idea to get Gordon Brown to tell me to stay and now I hate all foreign people, ever.

“Apparently he’s going to have a debate with Boris Johnson, who’s been telling everyone that America would never join a Federal Super-State even though it is one and one that worked out quite well for them.”

Fellow fence-sitter Damon West admitted that he just can’t see how any of this is supposed to encourage anyone to think about voting for either of them.

“Previously I was bored whenever the topic came on the radio; now I’m just wondering what the hell they’re playing at.

“I’ve not been this confused since I saw my kid’s 6th form art project about crying cubes.

“Maybe it’s some advanced counter-psychology, like how you keep watching Keith Lemon even though you want to kick his teeth in.

“Maybe it’s a cry for help, because the campaign has been going on for so bloody long?”

Both the Leave and the Remain campaigns have confirmed that they are definitely trying to win it, no matter what it may look like.

Ladbrokes have refused to comment on large bets being taken from Panama.

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