Monday 9 May 2016 by Michael Simons

Stag do loses three men during expedition to Wetherspoons toilet


Stag Do Wetherspoons, toilet

A stag do in Liverpool has ended in horror as 3 of its attendees have died during an expedition to the toilet in a local Wetherspoons.

Wetherspoons are known for placing their toilets ridiculous distances from the main bar area and it was only a matter of time until a tragedy of this scale occurred.

One man did survive, however. Erdogan Elma, the Sherpa for the journey, returned after nine days with only tales of horror to tell.

In an interview, he said “We lost the first lad on the stairs but he was the lucky one. The remaining 3 of us survived by eating old pork scratchings and tampons from the ladies tampon machine”.

He added, “the second lad choked to death on a mint flavoured Durex and the third passed after slipping in a puddle of 6-day old piss”.

Elma has since been sectioned under the mental health act for his own safety.

Wetherspoons issued an official statement following the incident earlier this week.

It said, “Our deepest condolences go out to all of those affected by this disaster. Wetherspoon’s only places its toilets so far from seated areas to avoid putting people off their food.”

It added, “We are introducing paper maps to the toilets in all of our UK bars so this sort of disaster can be avoided in future.”

Good has come from the disaster, however. Bear Grylls is reportedly in the early stages of filming a new show entitled ‘Bear in Spoons: A Journey to the Toilet’.

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