Monday 9 May 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Office stupified by single wasp


Office wasp small

Nothing is getting done in a local workplace until that wasp goes away and/or dies.

The wasp arrived just after 10:00 am and rendered a group of otherwise functioning adults a blubbering mess of frightened children.

“Bryan tried swatting it with a newspaper,” said admin assistant, Roger Thomas, “but then he missed and the wasp stung him so he’s had to go home.

“I say ‘had to’, he looked pretty pleased with himself as he skipped toward his car.

“Regardless, we’ve established that the newspaper plan doesn’t work, and it’s the only one we had. So now we’re all hiding in the broom cupboard.

“If the wasp isn’t gone by 5 pm then we’re going to throw the intern in its general direction and peg it toward the fire exit.”

The 42-year-old wasp, Simon Williams, said, “I’m only here because I smelt jam.

“Now I’ve established there isn’t any so, if these fuckwits could just open a window, I’ll see myself out.”

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