Monday 9 May 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Management consultant going round like he’s some sort of f*cking rock star


Management consultant

A management consultant drafted in to help with an IT project at Tennant & Lowe Ltd is striding about the offices in a pair of sunglasses and cowboy boots like he’s some sort of fucking rock star.

“I’m sure he’s very good,” said HR manager Eleanor Gay.

“But he keeps putting his foot up on the desk, leaning on his knee and calling everyone ‘guys’.

“He’s like a shit version of Bruce Springsteen who does management consultancy instead Born In The USA.”

Simon Williams is a self-styled ‘rebel’ of management consultancy.

“Hey, you want some straight in a suit, you go for it,” said Mr Williams, lacing his fingers behind his head as he leant back in his chair.

“Well, I mean I wear a suit, obviously, otherwise that would be really unprofessional, but it’s the way I wear it; the boots, the open waistcoat. I’m making management consultancy cool.

“You look at me, you see someone who doesn’t conform to anything, except the ISO 90001 certification programme.”

However, his presence continues to prove controversial amongst staff at Tennent & Lowe.

“If that silly bastard tries to high-five me again, I’m lamping him,” said one, who wished to remain anonymous.

But one thing’s for sure, if the nightmare happens and the world finds itself no longer in need of management consultants, there’s always a second-rate Deep Purple covers band that would snatch Mr Williams up like a shot.

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