Monday 9 May 2016 by Tommy Charles

Katie Hopkins’ halal bum sausage posts martyrdom video online


Katie Hopkins sausage regent street

The halal sausage that will be inserted into Katie Hopkins anus as she runs naked on Regents Street has posted a martyrdom video online.

The beef sausage has recorded the video message in anticipation of its impending demise in the hostile sphincter of the controversial ‘journalist’.

In the message, the sausage says, “Allah has chosen me for this special task and while I personally would have probably picked another route to martyrdom, it is a task which I will perform honourably and with great dignity.”

The sausage, who is not named in the video, continued, “I am blessed to be able to play a part in the death of Hopkins’ so-called career and I hope that my actions will inspire others to insert themselves into the bottoms of other journalists, such as Kelvin McKenzie.”

Before the London mayoral elections, Hopkins threatened to “run naked down Regents Street with a sausage up her bum” if Sadiq Khan was elected mayor, and chillingly confirmed her intentions to follow through on her promise when he won.

Anti-terror police are investigating Hopkins’ threat to the public and have promised to use lethal force should she attempt to reveal her body anywhere within the M25.

An anti-terror officer who can not be named for security reasons confirmed, “We have been undergoing special training for this by using similarly gross things as targets, such as used condoms stuffed with coleslaw, so we are well prepared and the public should feel safe.”

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