Friday 6 May 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Schools Mental Health champion axed for being ‘mad’


Mad

Natasha Devon, the recently appointed Schools Mental Health champion has been axed following her ‘mad’ criticism of the current testing regime.

“She’s clearly mental,” said Education minister Nicky Morgan.

“I mean, questioning Tory education policy? You’ve got to be mad to be doing that.

“This Government does not want some sort of fruit loop nutjob in charge of our kids’ mental health.

Mr Morgan went on to confirm that the constant testing of children would continue.

“If anything they’re not tested enough,” said Ms Morgan, cackling a little.

“And if some children are too mentally weak to handle this, then perhaps they can go off and become doily-weavers, weed-pullers or, well, whatever Natasha Devon goes on to do next.

“The point is, society has no place for these weak-kitten losers like Miss Natasha ‘Ooo-ooo tests are hard, life’s so difficult, I might just go to bed and have a cry’ Devon and children who buckle under a rigorous regime of constant grading and judgement.

“It’s exactly because we don’t want to set an expectation that under a Tory Government there will be any kind of compassion for people who simply can’t handle it that we’ve axed Natasha and the whole concept of children’s mental health.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m currently working on a method for testing and grading babies based on how well they cry.”

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