Thursday 5 May 2016 by Davywavy

David Attenborough moves to Dagobah to teach next generation of naturalists


David Attenborough retires to Dagobah system

David Attenborough has moved to the jungle moon of Dagobah to train the next generation of naturalists.

Attenborough, who is ninety this week, has confirmed his intention to take up residence in a simple hut and teach wandering students in the ways of the Force and Zoology.

Attenborough told reporters that Ecology is a science which flows from all living things and binds the world together.

“Life creates it, makes it grow. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.

“When ninety years old you are, look this good you will not,” he added.

Students who Attenborough accepts will be expected to carry out quadrat sampling of plant coverage, survey endangered Mynock habitats, and run through the jungle with him on their back doing backflips whilst he hits them with a stick.

However, not everyone is happy with the news.

Anti-BBC campaigner Simo-3PO told us that whilst everyone remembers Attenborough rolling in the trees with Ewoks or showing the baby Tauntaun sliding down a snowbank, being forced to pay for him is almost identical to living in North Korea.

Simo-3PO was then told to go to Toshi station to pick up some power converters by his mother and threw another massive tantrum at this latest example of dictatorship.

Students are understood to be concerned by Attenborough’s age, and have asked him how they should continue to try to save the environment without him.

“Do, or do not. There is no try.” was all he would say.

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