Wednesday 4 May 2016 by Davywavy and Raggedyman

Bernie Sanders supporters make astonishing advances in mathematics whilst trying to prove he can still win


Bernie Sanders

Supporters of US Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders have made several ‘astounding’ breakthroughs in mathematics by trying to prove he can still win.

Supporters of the candidate deny he stands no chance whatsoever and have invented an entirely new branch on non-Euclidean voting science to prove it.

In light of the discovery, campaigners have redoubled their efforts, flooding social media with attractive clickbait pictures explaining that if you don’t support their candidate you are both stupid and don’t understand basic math.

“If you bend spacetime through eight dimensions there is a theoretical, non-zero possibility for Sanders to pull ahead at this stage,” said Bernie-booster Simon Williams.

“And in a universe composed of seventeen dimensions and where Pi is nine point seven, Bernie has already won!

“That’s the thing about Shillary supporters; they ignore basic maths like that.

“Booyah! Feel the Bern! Please!” He added with an air of increasing desperation.

Clinton supporters have warned the misuse of higher dimensions in this way risks tearing apart reality and releasing Azathoth the demon Sultan from his eternal slumber to ravage humanity, a claim Sanders supporters describe as ‘scaremongering’.

“Either that or it’s already happened,” Williams added, indicating a picture of Trump.

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