Saturday 30 April 2016 by Gary Stanton

Loathsome EU bastards slash mobile bills for hardworking Brits


EU roaming charges

Meddling eurocrats have secured cheaper mobile calls throughout the EU in the latest display of their frightening power.

Every year Britons spend 350 million on roaming charges, which is what it costs to feed and clothe a typical family of Roma gypsies.

But thanks to a plot hatched by Brussels, roaming charges inside the EU will fall by three-quarters, while Brits who want to pay more to use their phone on holiday will face masses of dirty, foreign red tape.

The EU will also make it 66 per cent cheaper to download data while nonchalantly sitting on a deckchair in your sunglasses.

However, the mobile phone free-for-all could leave honest UK citizens vulnerable to dirty talk by foreign perverts from Calais to the Bosphorus.

The Vote Leave campaign says the reduced costs will make it easier for Bulgarian rapists to make peak time calls to your daughter or wife, asking them to ‘do stuff’.

They also claimed that there was a catch, in that when phoning abroad, you’ll probably have to speak either German, French or even fucking Belgian.

Vote Leave spokesman, Simon Williams, said, “This insane new law means a Romanian, a Latvian or a Greek-o can repeatedly snap-chat his genitals to your niece for less than six pence a minute.”

He added, “That might not sound much, but multiply it by the cost of France and Spain combined and you’re looking at a tidal wave of instant messaging.”

“What’s good for Jacques and Pedro is, unfortunately, a nightmare for Nigel and Colin.”

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