Friday 29 April 2016 by Dan Sweryt

Arseholes can no longer be discriminated against


Arseholes now protected

Arseholes have today been added as a protected group within the Equality Act, leading to a collective sigh and sagging of shoulders amongst the general population.

Hundreds of thousands of protesters gathered outside the Houses of Parliament, primarily drawing attention to the high number of arseholes involved in the vote itself. These protests that have since, by their very nature, become unlawful.

These protests have now become, by their very nature, unlawful.

The protests included much chanting of ‘Arseholes Out!’ which, unfortunately, was taken literally by a passing rugby team.

Non-arsehole Simon Williams said, “This was the last bastion of being civilised. Whilst all ethnicities, sexualities and even the poor morons have wrongly suffered prejudice, this is a step too far.

“Arguably the only group who really should be discriminated against, the arseholes, are now protected.

“In future I’ll have to act normal and with restraint, even if an utter dick says something inappropriate in an interview, or starts banging on about his or her Apple products or their Mini.

“This has also pretty much brought an end to all public political discourse. How are we supposed to talk about politicians now?

“And, as I’m in the middle of buying a house, I’ll even have to start treating fucking estate agents with the respect they don’t deserve! I mean, what has the world come to?”

The introduced legislation means calling someone an arsehole now brings with it a five-year jail term, or compulsory attendance on a 10-minute ‘Arsehole Awareness’ Course with a selection of certified arseholes.

100% of those prosecuted so far have opted for prison.

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