Thursday 28 April 2016

God condemns Labour party to forty years in the wilderness


God condemns Labour to the wilderness

God has condemned the Labour Party to forty years in the electoral wilderness in response to the stuff they’ve been saying about Jews lately.

The party shall wander the chatshows of Gilead and the newspaper columns of Gath for one score and ten years, with a great gnashing of teeth and renting of clothes as the electorate turneth their face from them,  even unto the third generation.

God first cursed the party with a plague of loonies last year, when hundreds of thousands descended upon the party and stripped it bare, but this failed to change their mind which was set.

“Lo, I am the Lord thy GOD,” spaketh He in words of great thunder.

“Quit that shit right now.

“See that electoral wilderness? For thou shalt be in it until thou gettest thine fucking shit together.”

Labour insiders are reported to be furious at the news, blaming Ken Livingstone for the curse.

Livingstone is understood to have accepted thirty pieces of silver from Russia Today and Iranian Press TV, and Ken did speak his mind and Lo! Vladimir Putin and Hassan Rouhani looked upon their work and were well pleased.

The Party is understood to be seeking to pay penance to God by making a ritual sacrifice of a couple of backbenchers and carving some pledges into a tablet of stone because that worked so well last time.

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