Tuesday 26 April 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Older ladies forced to aimlessly wander around somewhere else


old ladies need somewhere new to wander around

BHS will close and force the elderly to walk around somewhere else while not buying things.

The store that you assumed must have gone bust in around 2006 is now set to actually close in the reality outside your own head.

“Ooooh dear,” exclaimed 78-year-old Elizabeth King.

“That is a shame. I always enjoyed walking around, looking at their Christmas displays.

“I remember they used to have clothes for younger people in there. Bless their little hearts for trying that one.

“I did buy my granddaughter a t-shirt from there once but she took one look at the label and told me to ‘shove it up my arse’, the adorable little bitch.”

It is widely anticipated that the staff at BHS will be immediately transferred to Marks and Spencer, where they will resume their duties of politely smiling at old ladies who aren’t buying anything, but simply killing what little time they have left on this mortal coil.

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