Tuesday 26 April 2016 by Davywavy

Jay-Z rushes out hastily-produced album about sleeping on the couch


Jay Z new album

Rap star Jay-Z has released an unexpected and evidently hastily-produced album about how he’s been sleeping on the couch for the last six months today.

The rapper has claimed that the album – titled “Bin keepin’ it in my pants” – has nothing whatsoever to do with his wife Beyonce’s latest release but instead was a long-planned work close to his heart.

However, music critics have already noticed parallels to Beyonce’s Lemonade, which is all about how he’d better stop screwing around or she’s leaving and taking their daughter and all his money with her.

Lyrics such as Baby Baby no need to show violence, ’til I’ve hid all my money in the Virgin Islands and Honey I ain’t like that no more, and won’t be ’til my funds are offshore are believed to be part of ongoing relationship difficulties the two are having.

Both parties have denied any part of their albums are aimed at the other, and Jay-Z was very clear that the track I’ll do my bit on the washing-up rota now can I have my car keys back? was to do with the contemporaneous experience of living in Obama’s America and nothing to do with any domestic issues.

Jay-Z said the song, which contains lyrics including Of course I ain’t got not second mobile phone, you just bein’ paranoid, had a deeper, hidden meaning which was open to interpretation ‘by anyone who might hear it’ whilst staring pointedly at his missus.

He refused to comment on what the song I swear I got it off a warm toilet seat might be about.

When asked, Jay-Z confirmed the album had been in production for ‘like ages and shit’, and swore blind that there was no truth at all he’d just started on it at about half past eight yesterday morning.

“What, you think I’d lie about something like this?” he told assembled reporters.

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