Monday 25 April 2016 by Davywavy and Colonel Maxim

Keith Richards undergoes The Quickening


Keith Richards undergoes the Quickening

With the death of every other rock star, Keith Richards has absorbed their power and knowledge to become all-powerful.

Paparazzi were alerted to the event when Richards’ New York apartment was struck by lightning five minutes after the death of Prince, representing the transfer of an incredible amount of power to the leader in The Game.

Although some musicians remain, none is now considered to represent a meaningful challenge to Richards, who has absorbed the power of Lemmy, Bowie and Prince amongst others in a matter of months.

The Rolling Stones guitarist first discovered his immortal nature when he underwent The Quickening after defeating Marc Bolan in single combat in 1977.

Ironically, he later defeated Queen frontman Freddie Mercury to a Queen soundtrack.

Rod Stewart is understood to have beefed up security to his California mansion out of concern Richards might come for him next.

“In the end, there can only be one, and does anyone doubt for one second that will be Keith?” we were told.

“After the apocalypse, it’ll just be Keith and the cockroaches.”

In a statement, Richards confirmed his intention to behead Justin Bieber, not because he’s an immortal but because he ‘can’t stand the little scrote’.

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