Monday 25 April 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Clubber ejected for caring when he put his hands in the air


nightclub

A clubber was removed from Spatchcocks nightclub in Brighton after appearing to care when he put his hands in the air.

“We here at Spatchcocks have a very strict policy regarding putting your hands in the air,” said proprietor Cristiano Pauli.

“And that, very simply, is that you must not care.

“The instructions are explicit and the DJ will re-affirm them throughout the evening – Put your hands in the air, like you just don’t care.

“The gentleman in question admitted putting his hands in the air whilst caring, so we had no choice but to evict him from the premises.”

However, Simon Williams, the clubber in question tells a different story.

“Technically, you only have to put your hands in the air like you just don’t care. The emphasis here is on the word ‘like,’ which in this context could be taken to mean ‘in impersonation of,’ therefore as long as it looked like I just didn’t care then whether I actually did care, or not, is irrelevant.”

Mr Williams is currently considering legal action.

It is not the first time that Spatchcocks has been in the news, in 1999 the roof caught fire and the management refused help from emergency services claiming that ‘we don’t need no water, let the mother f**ker burn.’

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