Sunday 24 April 2016 by Gary Stanton

Part-Kenyans shake off ancestral baggage to win London Marathon


London Marathon

The winners of this year’s London Marathon are definitely more than a bit Kenyan, according to reports.

Jemima Sumgong and Eluid Kipchoge managed to shake off their ancestral baggage to romp home ahead of other non-Kenyan competitors.

The world-class distance runners stole the show, which was watched by US President Barack Obama, who is also part-Kenyan.

Mr Kipchoge, a whole Kenyan, managed to set the second fastest marathon time ever despite the unseasonably cold weather; which he hates after his grandfather was subjected to numerous tales of cold and gloomy days during Kenya’s time as a British colony.

The pair achieved the incredible feat even though their country is no longer run by the British, which surely can’t have helped.

London Mayor, Boris Johnson, is now planning to grudgingly congratulate the duo in a moment that has been likened to Jesse Owen’s triumph at the 1936 Berlin Olympics.

The race was watched by your Granddad and millions worldwide, who were quick to offer their opinions as to why black people make such excellent runners.

Jemima and Eluid are now expected to claim asylum at the first opportunity, according to arseholes.

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