Saturday 23 April 2016 by Neil Tollfree

People who say prison is ‘just like holiday camp’ probably doing holidays wrong


Prison like a holiday camp

An intensive study of people who say ‘prison is just like a holiday camp,’ has revealed that they are most likely doing holidays wrong.

“We interviewed a cross-section of the people who say ‘prison is just like a holiday camp,’ from crusty old Colonel types to ill-informed Daily Mail ‘readers’,” said Simon Williams, a doctor in the fields of both holidays and prisons.

“The one thing they all had in common was that they weren’t very good at doing actual holidays.”

It seems that while most people choose to have a relaxing week by the seaside, or a quiet fortnight in the country, the sort of people who say ‘prison is just like a holiday’ were spending their holidays locked in a featureless room watching Freeview channels on a small television set.

“Yes, and we also noticed that whilst many people enjoy going out and socialising over a few glasses of sangria whilst on holiday, the sort of people who say ‘prison is just like a holiday camp’ seem to spend an hour a day walking around a small yard growling at anyone they pass, and occasionally ‘shanking’ someone,” continued Doctor Williams.

Dr Williams had a message for the sort of people who say ‘prison is just like a holiday camp’.

“I would suggest that for your next holiday, you stay somewhere nice, unlock the doors, have a few drinks, and do what you feel like doing whenever you actually feel like doing it.

“Because holidays are definitely way better than prison.”

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